Happy 6th Birthday, little darling..

My dearest Madeline,

Happy sixth birthday, my little beauty! I have been so blessed to be your mother for the last six years.. Never could I imagine a love so deep.. and profound. You're truly my special dream come true. Each day you make me smile and fill my day with laughter. You're incredibly silly, sassy, and oh so sugary sweet! I love you, sweet girl.

In just a few short days, you'll be starting kindergarten. This is so very bittersweet. I'm not ready to release my precious baby girl into the big bad world - I desperately want to keep you in a little pink bubble of Mommy love... I know you'll do wonderfully, sweet baby. I will always cheer you on, and be here for you. I'm so proud of the person you're becoming.. even if that person is a miniature sized hoarder. :)

I love you, baby.. I am so thankful God matched our hearts together...

Forever and ever,
Mommy

Happy 4th Gotcha Day!

My dear bunny..

4 whole years ago, your foster father placed you into my arms to never be apart again! These last 4 years have blown by.. Do you think you could slow down.. or maybe, revert back to my sweet 16 month old? I love you so much.. and I am so thankful God connected our souls to one another.. and brought you into my life. You ARE my life, my breath, my heart, and my soul. How lucky am I to be your Mommy?

Bunny, you fill me up with happiness every single day. I love you so much!

Forever,
Mommy

Happy 28th Birthday to Mommy! :)

 

Okay, all of my pictures are out of wack- so be it!~ Today I celebrated my 28th birthday, and I will say- it has been the very best birthday I have ever had! 

First our day began by going to the "FALL FESTIBAL" as sweet M calls it! We had SO much fun together! Madeline got her hand painted with a heart & a rainbow with sparkles.. it was the first time she ever took interest in this.. in fact, she has warned me every day that she did not want to do it.. until yesterday after school. For some reason, she changed her mind. :) She also made a pretty halloween frame, played with the yummiest smelling pumpkin pie play-doh, decorated a sugar cookie with frosting and PURPLE sprinkles, had lunch there, and decorated the sweetest pumpkin with flowers! For a girl who is typically shy, unsure, and overall a "pill" in these types of situations, she was a happy girl! I am so proud of her! She rocked! :)

Next we went shoe shopping. What WAS I thinking?? She had a TWO cookies, and a cupcake at the festival and I took miss-hopped-up-on-sugar-shoe-shopping! She begged and pleaded with me to buy the highest heels, ever! No thank you, darling baby! 

Afterwards.. we went to Target. Madeline picked out a birthday card, bag, bow, and gift. For the last month she has consistently told me that she wanted to buy Mommy mascara as a birthday gift. So funny, does my girl know me or what? I am not even sure why she was so insistent on mascara.. too funny! We picked out a double chocolate cake, and headed home... (Really, we didn't need ANY cake... we really didn't!) 

We had Olive Garden to-go.. I'm not even sure why she gets her own meal.. when she always ends up eating my chicken parm and spaghetti?? :) Then...... tada... cake! 

I hate to be such a mush... but I'm in such awe over Madeline and how sweet she is. Her heart is so big and wonderful.. Her smile lights my heart up. In her own 5-year-old way, she wanted to make sure that I had a special birthday.. and in the end, I had the MOST special birthday.. I am so thankful to God for sending this lovely girl into my life as my daughter and allowing me to spend every single day of my life giving her my love, and receiving hers in return. 

At the end of the day, regardless of the mistakes I have made... I am raising an extra special sweet girl who has the kindest heart and shares the deepest purest love with her Mama. Thank you, God. 

Below is a photo of a pair of shoes she wanted me to get. :) I could totally rock them for all of 2 seconds before busting my face into the floor *wink*

 

Fear doesn't live here.

Two blog posts in one day, you very few readers must be astonished! ;-) All joking aside, as I was putting Madeline to bed tonight I began thinking of- adoption. 

I do not normally receive compliments, sure- my friends think I am beautiful, talented, etc. But they are friends and obligated to feel such a way! But today, I received such a sweet compliment... "I admire you" ... Me? 

I had been discussing M's adoption with this friend.. and mentioned how Madeline has been asking questions lately. "Oh that must be so hard on you" she said. When I explained that no, it did not upset me in the least.. that is when she kindly told me that she had admired me. 

Earlier this week, I gave M's teacher the heads up on her inquiring about her history, just incase Madeline asked at school.... The teacher perceived her questions as "concerns". 

It made me think tonight as I put my sweet little honey down to sleep.. How do those untouched by adoption think about these topics. All of the adoptive parents that I know are like me- we keep things positive and light about the birth family..

The truth is.. I do not fear the questions about the birth family. I do not fear her love over them, or her someday dreams and fantasies over what they are like, how things would be, etc. How unfair and cruel of me if I were to with hold information from her? If I were to tell her it were un-welcomed to ask questions. How sad would she be? I am so grateful to the very special woman in Guatemala who carried this precious baby for 9 months and decided to place her for adoption.. I'm so thankful this woman chose adoption for our daughter, and I am so thankful that her soul is meant to be parented by me. This petite dark haired woman who lives thousands of miles away has no idea the gift she has given me. I feel as if our hearts are connected. Words will never fully express my gratitude, love, or adoration for the woman I've never met, but love deeply. 

We are an open book. Certainly I keep things age-friendly, and as time goes on, we can elaborate on things. I live and breathe each day not wanting to fail this sweet beautiful treasure of mine..

Pajama Day at School!

Today is Pajama Day at school! At first when I told Miss Madeline about it the other day, she was unsure.. She didn't want to wear her jamjam's to school.. but then she came around. She did want to wear her "posh puppy" jammies.. but at the last minute went with Rapunzel. :) She woke up soo excited that it was "pajama day" at school! Love her excitement over it! Tomorrow is fall festival at school.. so we're also excited for that, too! :)

Adoption....

This evening I felt rushed.. I had a ton of laundry to get done, my knee is sore- and I need to bring up a huge basket of towels and bedding.. get her fed, bathed, and ready for bed. I quickly bathed her, trying to patiently ignore all of her playfulness and silliness.. and rushed getting her dressed, her bed made, and towels folded. Rush, rush, rush. Even in my head I kept thinking "just enjoy the moment.. don't rush" .....

I asked Madeline which book she would like to read tonight, figuring it would be fancy nancy, or five little monkeys.. instead she said "I want to read the book with the mommy, daddy, and baby." In my head, I knew which she had meant.. but I was surprised at her request. She wanted to read "Over the moon: an adoption tale" - the author, Karen Katz adopted a baby from Guatemala, hence the book.. Madeline doesn't typically bring up adoption related topics, so I'm always surprised when the topic comes up.

Finally, I felt the urgency to rush in my heart, stop. She climbed into my lap and we read the book. I explained just like that baby, she too, had come home on an airplane. I asked .. "Do you understand that you too, grew like a flower in another lady's tummy?" She smiled and assured me that she grew in MY tummy. I explained to her that no.. she did not grow in my tummy, she grew in E's tummy, but she could not take care of her, but that E wanted her to have a Mommy & Daddy.. Madeline seemed pretty ok with this.

But.. can I be real here? The adoption talks are so very difficult! I'm not even going to lie. My whole body stiffens up because I'm SO worried that I'm going to say the wrong thing to her. I need to get better at this.. especially now that she is asking questions. Right now she is just getting the jist of her being born in Guatemala, and coming home on an airplane. She doesn't get that there is a birth mom involved, even though we have talked about her before.

My heart feels a tinge of sadness that I had to tell her "no" about being in my tummy. I'm SO proud of adoption, Guatemala, the whole shebang.. but undoubtedly she is having these 5-year-old talks with the other little girls in her class while they play doll babies during free time.. I need to build her up to be proud - our family is built through adoption.. and that is A-OKAY!

Before bed.. I said "I love you all the way to the moon & back again" .. to which she replies "I love you all the way to the moon and back again.. and Guatemala.. and Disney.. forever and ever and ever and ever and ever" .. Yes my darling, this is forever and ever and ever and ever...

Disney 2011

Woah, it's already October..

Madeline began prek-5 in September. Her BFF Makenna is in her class, which I think really eased Madeline's mind. Bless her sweet little baby heart.. she just does not warm up to other women.. and her new teacher was no exception. However, things are now going much better. Prek-5 is no joke, people. I'm a little shocked at how much work she is doing. Goodbye coloring, goodbye fun... Helloooo, work! She has homework a few times a week.. and yesterday was the worse! Dear God almighty, I am not sure how on earth we survived. Madeline had to highlight all the words in a 14 page story that began with the letter S. Well, folks, there were 89.. yes 89 words. She was worn out, overwhelmed, and upset by the time we got done with it. I feel so badly.. I should have broken it up into shorter intervals for her to make it less stressful. I just can't get over how "serious" this is. I admit, I'm a little nervous about how kindergarten will go.. Also, they are doing sight words. I hate them. She guesses. I guess if you want your child to know the phonics way, you need to teach them yourself.. & to think, I thought the hardest thing about parenting would be potty training. Joke is on ME!

Today after school.. I decided I would surprise my sweetie pie! I needed to run to the tailors to get pants hemmed, and decided we would stop for lunch at panera. She sweetly asked if we could eat there (last time we brought it home..) and was so very happy when I said "yes!" .. I had been teasing her since the tailor's about a very special surprised.. she wanted to know if this had been it.. nope.. not it! But we did enjoy a great lunch to which she declared "this is the best lunch EVER!" -- :) After lunch, we drove right over to this teeny tiny strip of shops. I asked her if she knew where we were going yet?? She looked around and noticed a big CUPCAKE on the sign overhead of one of the shops. She was sooo excited that we were going to the cupcake shop! We had never gone before.. in fact, I have searched every couple of months for one near us.. and never found one until 2 nights ago! She carefully chose the s'mores cupcake (eyes glazed over from being in HEAVEN of course).. and I decided on the original chocolate. My funny bunny let me know that we would be sharing cupcakes (Hmm.. not quite what I was thinking..) by the time we got home, she had a few bites of hers, and decided Mommy's was much better.. Well obviously, you know who lost out on their original chocolate cupcake!

Also, back in September.. Madeline and I went to DISNEY! That was quite an experience.. one that I'll have to blog soon about.. :)

My sweet girl celebrates being FIVE!

Madeline had the best 5th birthday a sweet girl like her could ever dream of! Thank you to our families for coming and celebrating! She loved playing with all of her cousins.. and as you can see, she also loved torturing everyone with her new make-up, thank you pookoo! ;-)

Happy 5th birthday, bunny.. I love you so much.. and I am so happy you had such a happy day. I love you all the way to the moon, Guatemala, and the castle! xoxo